I can, I want to
by sbmania
Summary: The President of LME gives Kyoko an ultimatum: to go on as she is and possibly lose everything she's worked for, or face her fears and grow as a person and as an actress.
1. Prologue

Hello!

First off, this is supposed to be a continuation of chapter 201 of the manga.

My reasons for writing this are: 1) I suck at creating my own characters and plots, mostly because I get bored with them very quickly and want to change **everything** about the story, so I'm kind of practicing with this. Hopefully it will work and I'll be able to graduate the fanfic writing stage (not that there is anything wrong with just writing fanfiction). 2) I noticed that not many people can really grasp the personalities of characters when they write fanfiction. I often find myself getting really into a fanfic and then suddenly a character does something or says something that is so out of character which makes me dislike the fanfic immediately and I can't read it anymore after that. I wonder if I'm the same so please, if you notice that a character is acting out of character, do tell. I want to see how well I can manage :)

That said, thanks for giving this a go. I hope you like it.

* * *

"Mogami-san, you can stop imagining those wild scenarios now." the President said, giving Kyoko a small but gentle smile. Just a moment earlier he was very serious and scary which made Kyoko shiver nervously.

She looked up at the President, surprised for a moment that he guessed correctly, even though she shouldn't have been since the President seems to have a knack for seeing right through people. Up until the moment the President spoke, countless scenarios were playing out inside Kyoko's head, each one worse that the other. She even imagined the President filming her confession and broadcasting it on TV during prime time. That sort of horrifying train of thought kept her mind so occupied that she forgot all about the President even though he was sitting right opposite her.

"First I want to apologize to you, Mogami-san." the President said.

Kyoko was taken by surprise once again, but this time the meaning behind the President's words was unclear.

"I knew what you were thinking the entire time, but I wanted you to worry and agonize over the situation. I enjoyed having the upper hand." The president said and looked straight at her. His expression was serious again. "For that, I sincerely apologize, Mogami-san."

The President stared at her like that for a brief moment, although to Kyoko that tiny fragment of time seemed endless. Seeing the President so serious rendered her speechless.

"When I first saw you at the audition, I felt this strong need to give you a chance to feel love again. Even though I didn't know the circumstances which led to you dreading the emotion so much, I took it upon myself to help you experience it properly. I thought that no matter what had happened, if I was the one who was looking after you and helping you on, in time your resistance would weaken and you would heal. I admit that I was foolish to think that. People can't change unless they themselves want to change. I understand now that this is my limit; this is as far as I can go in helping you, Mogami-san. The rest is up to you."

"U-up to me?" Kyoko muttered.

"I saw you yesterday, Mogami-san. I believe I don't need to say any more. Judging by your actions today you are also aware of your own feelings."

"Y-yes." was all she could utter. She blushed and stared at the floor, unable to meet the President's knowing eyes. It was strange for her to admit something that she hid for so long, even from herself.

"Now that you know it, what you do about it is up to you. I won't say a word to Ren or anyone else. I won't scheme or threaten you, which, I presume, is what you thought I'd do. I won't meddle at all, Mogami-san. I promise."

The President looked at Kyoko. Her head was down and she was silent but the President didn't need a response. All the things he was saying were for her, and the only one she needed to respond to in regard to them was herself.

"It doesn't make me happy to have to say this, but I know I must." the President paused for a brief moment. Kyoko felt her breath refusing to leave her lungs. "Mogami-san, unless you learn to love and be loved, you will never graduate from the LoveMe section. Even if you leave LME and go to another agency where they won't put you in a strange section with an embarrassing name and an offensively pink uniform, inside of you nothing will really change. Even if you're offered a role that isn't dark and gloomy, you won't be able to portray it with the same excellence you showed while portraying Mio or Natsu. I am not trying to discourage you or put you down; this is my opinion as the president of an entertainment agency with years of experience in show business. You know from your own experience that unless you understand the character you're portraying so well that you lose and forget yourself, that unless you can feel their presence deep inside of you, you can't succeed in acting them out. Not properly, anyway. Everything can be done half heartedly after all. Is that the kind of actress you strive to be, Mogami-san?"

After another short pause in which Kyoko didn't even manage to lift up her head, the President continued. "As I said, that is up to you and I won't mention any of this ever again. However, if you continue being unable to graduate from the LoveMe section, I will be forced to take action. It is my duty as the president of this company to act in its best interest and I fully intend to do so, regardless of my own personal feelings."

* * *

Kyoko felt like everything was crumbling around her. All her hard work and dedication, everything she worked hard to accomplish was suddenly so small and easily squashable. She barely uttered a single word during her conversation with the President, making it completely one-sided. It was embarrassing for her and it must have been insulting to the President, and it was all her fault. But what pained her even more than that were the President's words. Of course he was right, she didn't have a single doubt about that, but hearing all that from that cheerful, unpredictable man who loves parties and thinks it's normal to arrive to an important business meeting on the back of a camel dressed as a sultan, silenced her completely. The President looked so serious as those never ending sentences slowly poured from his mouth and it seemed to Kyoko that during their brief meeting he aged so much, she could hardly recognize him.

She even went as far as to think that it would have been better if the President told Tsuruga Ren the truth.

Kyoko changed into her uniform and sat down. She took a look at the papers in her hand and her thoughts drifted back to the meeting.

_The President stood up and walked over to his desk. He reached for what looked like a script but seemed to hesitate for a brief moment before taking it. He glanced at Kyoko who was still looking at the floor, feeling too ashamed to say anything. Even without looking at her, he knew what she must be feeling and it pained him. He likes the girl, she has many qualities, and if it weren't for her stubborn hatred of love she would be a great actress. He knew __that and it pained him to see her like that, but he also knew that it was the only way he could help her. Even though he went through every trouble of making the LoveMe uniform something everyone would want to get out of regardless of the cost, it became a second skin to Kyoko, something she's familiar and comfortable with. She is definitely more comfortable in that uniform than she is in love. He just __hoped that his actions would have the desired outcome in the end._

_He slowly walked over to Kyoko and put the script on the small coffee table in front of her. _

"_I will give you this. It's a script for an episode of a drama that's been fairly popular recently. This role wasn't offered to you. The director is a friend of mine and as soon as I heard about the role, I thought there would be no one less suited for it than you, Mogami-san. I do not mean to offend you; I am merely stating my opinion. I suggested you and he flatly rejected the idea, since the character is nothing like any of the characters you have played. Still, I insisted so he gave in and said he'd give you a chance at least. It's up to you, Mogami-san. I'm sorry for keeping you from your work. You may return to your duties immediately."_

_He didn't wait for her response; he knew she needed time to come to terms with everything that was said so he left her to herself._

Kyoko felt like she probably should have said something, but she couldn't find the words. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Kyoko didn't have the strength to blame Fuwa Sho. All she felt was huge responsibility. Her responsibility.


	2. Chapter One

Hi again! I just want to say a quick thanks to peykar, PinkyRocks, Strawberry-Banana Strudel, DreamIdol, Ciralda and Kumioko! This update is here thanks to you guys :D

Please voice out your thoughts, I am very curious.

* * *

Kyoko is sitting in her room, opposite the posters of Fuwa Sho and Tsuruga Ren, and hugging her knees tightly. Laying on the floor right next to her is the script that the President gave her just a couple of hours ago. Large stylish letters on the cover of the script spell out the title of the drama: 'Seven years'.

The drama centers around six young people and it shows the effect their high school years have on their lives seven years later. Each episode tells the story from the perspective of one of the students. The first half of the series is about the significant and insignificant moments that happened while they were in high school, while the second half is about their lives seven years later and the effect of the decisions their younger selves made.

Kyoko has spent the better part of the evening reading and re-reading the scrip the President gave her. What he said is true, this role is very different from every role she's played so far, and it's also completely out of the range of her abilities. She is certain she couldn't possibly make a character like that come to life through her acting. This character strongly reminds her of the old Kyoko she desperately wants to erase from existence.

* * *

Sako loved a boy in her class very dearly, but she knew he didn't feel the same so she didn't confess. Seven years later, she still holds his memory very close to her heart and that memory helps her accept the difficult situation she suddenly finds herself in. Her parents passed away, leaving behind a huge debt, so Sako has to quit the job that she loves because the pay is too small to cover both her living expenses and the debt she has to pay off.

One day Sako receives a phone call from a former classmate who tells her that they are planning a high school reunion. There was supposed to be one two years before but it was canceled because of various circumstances.

The news of the high school reunion comes as both a welcome and unwelcome surprise. She is happy that she'll get to see Takumi, with whom she lost all contact after graduation, but at the same time she's worried that her feelings will get stronger and that it will be as hard as it was back in high school. Finally, after a week of weighing the pros and cons, she decides to go to the reunion.

The night before their meeting Sako tries to prepare herself by writing a story about everything that could have happened to him in the past seven years, including all the things that could hurt her if she hears about them at the reunion.

_In his first year of college, Takumi meets Risa. They start off as friends because Takumi lives in a world of his own so it takes time to break down those barriers and reach him. However, much to his surprise, Risa soon becomes a very big part of his daily life and by the time he notices, he is already in love with her. Not long after, Risa confesses to him under an old tree in a park, after one of the group outings with colleagues from school. Risa is shy, but her feelings for Takumi are stronger than everything else she's feeling. He is really surprised because he is rather oblivious to these things and won't notice until someone points it out or says it clearly. After getting over the initial surprise, Takumi tells her that he feels the same way and they stand there for a_ _while, their feelings a strange mixture of embarrassment and happiness. He walks her home, but they don't kiss because Takumi still has to process what happened. A week probably passes before they share their first kiss, and it still isn't a passionate one, probably more like the kind boys give girls in kindergarten, a very gentle and innocent kiss. But Risa doesn't mind, she loves this side of Takumi and finds it very relaxing. Thanks to him, the nervousness she feels isn't nearly as bad as it could be and spending time with Takumi is never uncomfortable. Three months pass before Risa spends the night with Takumi. _

_Years passed and they are getting along great. Things seem to just get better and better. They graduate from college and quickly find jobs in their field. It's perfectly natural for them to move in together so that's what they do. Their first home is a tiny apartment, but it's warm and they love it very much. Risa buys fresh yellow flowers every day, because those are her favorites. Takumi likes reading so he often reads on the floor in the living room. Risa likes to put her head on his lap and she often falls asleep like that. Sometimes Takumi reads to her._

_After another couple of years of harmony it's perfectly natural for them to get married. One morning Takumi buys a yellow sunflower and puts a small but beautifully carved ring on it. Risa usually buys flowers in the morning, but sometimes she doesn't have the time. It's one of those days. When Risa comes from work, she immediately notices the beautiful sunflower in the vase by the window. She notices right away because that's just the way she is. _

_Risa takes a closer look at the flower and sees the ring. She observes it for a moment, gazing at it gently before putting it on. Then, she sits on the floor by the small table in the middle of the room and cries._

_When Takumi comes home, she greets him with a warm smile. He returns the smile. That's enough for them, because they understand each other even without using words. _

_They don't have a big wedding; it's just the two of them and their closest family and friends. Everything is white and there are a lot of yellow flowers. Takumi made sure of it. _

A couple of tears escaped Sako as she wrote that last sentence. Writing the story is harder than she thought it would be, but she keeps on writing. If she's going to go to the reunion and see him again, she has to be fully prepared.

_A year into their married life, their first child is born. It's a girl and they name her Hana, after Takumi's grandmother. He loved his grandmother very much and respected her more than anyone else. He always says that she was a strong and wise woman and that he hopes his daughter will be the same. Risa is happy to name her daughter Hana because she doesn't feel nearly as strongly about anyone as Takumi does about his grandmother. _

_Their apartment isn't big enough anymore so they take the money they have been saving up and buy a little house in a nice neighborhood. It has a small garden full of yellow flowers which Risa looks after. Takumi often reads in the garden and even though Hana can't even walk yet, he is already making plans for a tree house. Risa wouldn't dream of stopping him, because she loves this side of him._

_Takumi is happy and feels that things couldn't be better. He is looking forward to his high school reunion and his old friends. He will tell them about Risa and Hana, but not too much, because he understands others like that. _

Sako keeps re-reading the story for hours and only stops once her heart accepts it as truth. When she can finally feel truly happy for him without any of her pain showing, she retires for the night.

In the morning she wakes up, eats breakfast and then goes to brush her teeth, but realizes that there is no more toothpaste. On her way to the store, she passes by the local flower shop and notices beautiful sunflowers in the window. She only brought enough money to buy toothpaste, but she buys them anyway. The florist, a sweet elderly woman wishes her a great day and Sako thanks her. On her way home, her thoughts are full of Takumi. When she comes home and places the flowers in a vase, she wonders if it was a mistake to buy them. Sako soon dismisses the thought, telling herself that she's happy for Risa and Takumi.

The day passes by quickly in the preparation for Sako's new job. Everything seemed easier once she would glance at the sunflowers. When the big hand on the clock finally reaches seven, she is fully prepared and determined to be only happy to see him. The story she wrote is already a reality in her mind and heart, and she plans on keeping it that way. Sako takes a shower and puts on a pretty white dress with a flower pattern, her favorite. After combing her long brown hair and tucking it behind her ears, she puts on some light make-up and takes a deep breath to calm herself.

The meeting place is an old noodle restaurant in the vicinity of the school. They would often go there after class and eat and talk. It was fun.

Sako checks her watch. It's ten to 8:00 so she's early. She enters the restaurant and is immediately recognized by the owner, an old man who treated all of them as if they were his grandchildren, even though he had about six or seven of his own. She smiles and greets him warmly. He shows her to their table and she realizes she's the first one to arrive. She sits by the table and wonders who's going to come second.

Her heart is beating so fast that it causes her whole body to shake.

The second person to come is Mayu, a classmate she was pretty close with. They get talking instantly and the noose Sako felt tightening around her neck loosens.

One by one her ex-classmates arrive, but no sign of Takumi.

Finally, after an hour passes without him showing up, she works up the courage to ask.

Okumi, another one of her former classmates and a close friend of Takumi's tells her that he's held up at work and will be late. She sighs a sigh of relief as silently as possible. The entire time Okumi was talking, she held her breath, afraid he'd mention Takumi's wife or his children. Before she asked, all sorts of scenarios were running through her mind. That his wife is in labor and he is going to become a father for the second time. Or perhaps Hana and Risa are down with chickenpox so he has to stay home and take care of them. Risa seems like the kind of person to get chickenpox later in life.

But it's just work. Sako still expects Risa and Hana to exist, but at least she doesn't have to hear about them yet. That is enough for her.

And then Takumi arrives.

He apologizes for being late and gives the same excuse Okumi already offered. He greets everyone, one by one, and finally takes a seat right next to Sako. She already realized that he would probably have to sit there, but it still comes as a shock to her. He greets her last. He is just as he always was, except that back then he was a boy and now he is a man. The difference is clear, it's in that little shadow his words cast as he speaks, and his presence is more imposing than before, not because he makes it so intentionally, but because it's natural for it to be like that now that he's a man in a world where there are so many men. She notices right away, as she spent so much time watching him. These little changes are so bittersweet. Does Risa get to wake up next to them every morning?

Sako greets back, of course. On the outside she seems composed, even though inside of her everything is twitching and turning. It's like a group of acrobats are having a show in the pit of her stomach. Still, she tries her best to appear calm; she does the best she can.

Since they are sitting right next to each other it's only natural for them to talk. Takumi starts talking about his work and how much he loves it. His eyes light up instantly, and Sako really loves to see them like that. It was the same back in high school when he talked about a book he was reading. It's like watching two small stars shinning through a really dark night.

After about ten minutes of talking about it, he stops mid-sentence and apologizes for boring her with talk about work. She shakes her head a bit too violently, feeling embarrassed instantly, but still goes on to say that his love for his work is a beautiful thing and that she's happy he is sharing it with her. It's almost as if she- Sako stops herself there. He's a bit confused but thanks her anyway. Sako nods shyly, trying to hide her flushed face.

And the conversation comes to a standstill.

Takumi exchanges a few words with a couple of other classmates who are sitting close by, but there are a lot of them and it's only really possible to converse with the person sitting next you. So in the end, the baton comes back to Sako.

Suddenly, she tells him about the yellow sunflowers she saw in the shop window this morning and ended up buying. As soon as she finishes, she thinks that it's silly of her to share something like that. She knows Takumi won't mind, but she still feels pretty silly.

Takumi doesn't mind, just as she expected. He says that he likes flowers and that he wishes he remembered to buy some every now and then.

_No one buys flowers for him? What about Risa?_

He asks Sako who Risa is and she realizes she said it out loud by mistake. She's instantly embarrassed and apologizes with so much vigor that it makes Takumi laugh wholeheartedly.

Because she got to see him laugh, Sako forgives herself rather quickly but makes a mental note not to think about Risa or Hana anymore, just in case.

Even if there are no fresh flowers in his home, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a wife. It's silly of her to conclude that, is what she thought.

Mayu interrupts her thoughts with a question. Are you married? Sako is honestly surprised and it takes a moment for her to regain composure. She gently shakes her head and says that she isn't.

How about you, Takumi?

Sako doesn't know whether to be grateful or to resent her. The few seconds it takes for Takumi to answer stretch into forever and Sako forgets to breathe. Her heart bangs against her chest with such violence that it scares her. She's sure that it's so loud it echoes through the room, but luckily it only echoes in her ears.

No. That's his answer.

_No. No, he isn't. He isn't married_.

_Goodbye Risa. _

_But Risa can still be a girlfriend. Still, even if she is they aren't engaged because if they were he would have said 'not yet'. And he didn't. _

_Does it really matter?_

It's only to save Sako from heartbreak for the evening, because Takumi is bound to get engaged and married, and she doesn't stand a chance.

_Why is that, though?_

She's interrupted by a question from another classmate, and then another one comes from someone else. That continues for a while. After that comes the reminiscing in which everyone participates.

After an hour of laughing at their past selves, everyone quiets down. Takumi gets a business call he has to take so Sako is left alone again. The relief that washed over her after hearing that it was a business call (and she doesn't have a reason to doubt it because Takumi has no reason to hide anything from them), allows the thought which she had before she was interrupted to come back to her.

_Why is it that she doesn't stand a chance with him? Sure, he could be in a relationship. And sure, he could be serious about her. But that doesn't change the fact that she has been in love with him for these past seven years. No, even longer, because it started in their second year of high school, when they became classmates. That means… eight years?_

Takumi comes back and Sako turns her attention back to him. He tells her that a project idea he suggested a week ago has just been accepted so he's happy. Sako is genuinely happy too. Seeing him like that, healthy and so passionate about his work makes her truly happy.

She tells him she loves her job too, but that she has to quit because of the debt her parents left her. She hasn't told anyone yet so Sako feels a huge load getting lifted off her chest. Once she says it, she realizes that it might spoil the atmosphere and that Takumi might not want to celebrate as earnestly as he wanted to earlier. And she's right.

But Sako isn't sad about it anymore, that's why it slipped out like that in such a happy situation. She explains it to him, saying that seeing him so happy is enough. Without realizing, she said something embarrassing again so she blushes. She quickly apologizes and keeps on apologizing in a chaotic manner, feeling even more like a fool. Takumi laughs warmly and tells her that it's alright, that he understands what she meant.

Sako honestly doubts that.

As she watches him smile such a warm and radiant smile, and at her of all people, she wishes she could tell him right now, right this moment.

But the moment passes and she doesn't tell him.

For the rest of the night both of them talk more with others than with each other. Why it's suddenly like this, Sako doesn't know, but a part of her likes it. She knows that it will only be harder for her if she spends more time talking to him.

The situation before she saw him was the following: the eighteen year old girl somewhere deep within her memories was in love with the eighteen year old Takumi and a gentle fragrance of that innocent first love still lingered in her adult heart. But when her twenty five year old self met the twenty five year old Takumi, it wasn't the memory that made her heart beat hard against her chest, it's something new, something completely different. That scares her, because she knows she's falling in love all over again.

Before she knew it, they were all standing outside the restaurant and saying their goodbyes.

Takumi too. He's going to go away to his flowerless home. Sako doesn't like the sound of that. It plays out before her eyes: Takumi unlocks his door and walks into the darkness. He flips the switch and the light bulb flickers for a moment before the light disappears permanently. He forgot to buy it again. He takes off his shoes in the dark and stumbles into the living room. He turns on the light and sighs in relief. He keeps thinking he should buy at least ten bulbs as a reserve, but he keeps forgetting. He goes to the kitchen to get a drink of water because he drank a bit more sake than he's used to. And nowhere in his apartment can a single flower be found. It's a flowerless home.

Without thinking any further, Sako turns around and starts to run. She remembers seeing a small flower shop while she was making her way to the restaurant. There's no way it's still open, but she couldn't just stand there and say goodbye.

The light is on. A miracle!

She opens the door and finds a surprised young woman staring at her. There is a huge pile of papers in front of her and she seems to have her reading glasses on so Sako concludes that she's probably doing some paperwork for the shop.

Sako tries to explain the situation and tells the florist that the man she's in love with lives in a flowerless home and that she just can't stand the idea.

The young woman chuckles at Sako's enthusiasm and nods in understanding; she says that she knows exactly how Sako feels.

The florist then asks Sako if she has any special wishes. Without realizing Sako replies with "Yellow." Just yesterday she probably would have said red when asked about the color of flowers, but now it's yellow.

_Why yellow, though?_

With a smile on her face, the young florist hands Sako a yellow sunflower. Sako smiles widely and takes it.

No need to pay, the florist says. Sako thanks her and runs out. Is Takumi still there? Why would he be? Sako was incredibly rude and just ran away without saying a word.

For some reason, though, most of her classmates are still in front of the restaurant, Takumi included.

Sako is relieved. He spots her running towards them with a sunflower in her hand.

She stops in front of him and barely manages to say what she wants to say, because she's out of breath.

She hands him the sunflower and says that she couldn't let him go back to his flowerless home.

He's surprised, but he takes the sunflower. With a wide smile, he thanks her.

Sako is happy. He accepted the flower she brought him. His home is no longer flowerless. It's fine now. Takumi is going to take it home and put it in a vase. It will be there in the morning when he wakes up. He will take a part of her home with him. Her feelings are going home with him and they are going to protect him.

"How did you know? I love sunflowers the most."

_Ah, so that's why yellow…_

Sako chuckles and Takumi does also.

Mayu says her goodbyes, and soon after everyone else does too. It's time to go home.

Takumi thanks Sako once again. She says it's nothing.

Sako doesn't want to go home. She wishes she could become a sunflower so he could carry her home with him.

Sako notices Takumi's expression. That last thought she said out loud.

Sako's face is completely red and Takumi can see it clearly since the restaurant's porch light is shinning really brightly. The two of them share a long moment of silence. Sako's heartbeat is strong and rhythmical. She is afraid to lift up her head and meet his eyes.

_But if not now, when?_

Sako musters all her courage and looks at Takumi.

They stare into each other's eyes for a moment, both of them surprised and embarrassed. He smiles at her, a smile she has never seen him wear before. It's as wide as the universe and just as breathtaking. Sako knows what it means. Despite all the self doubt and insecurity that she feels, she cannot fight the truth of that smile. Without a doubt, it's a smile only for her and nobody else in the whole world. It's that kind of a smile.

Sako smiles her first honest smile in what seems like forever.

* * *

By the time Kyoko lifts up her head, it's already morning.


	3. Chapter Two

I've got me some new followers! Thank you ElizabethCarpenter2013, LaurelNymph, Literati Lover, Meganlei, Nuricchi, The Butterfly Dreamer, cece4japan, ndngrl14, veronca55 and chrissyleena. And, of course, those who were with me since the prologue (yeah, from way back then :p): peykar, PinkyRocks, Strawberry-Banana Strudel, DreamIdol, Ciralda and Kumioko.

Thanks to Meganlei, SB-KMS-OSN-OHSHC-EDLA, Strawberry-Banana Strudel and bloomnskyrules who favorited the story.

Also, I would like to thank the Guest who reviewed the first chapter. Well, sort of reviewed. I agree with you :)

I hope you like this chapter.

* * *

The sun is too blinding for Kyoko's tired eyes. She stands up and goes to wash her face, hoping the cold water might help her wake up.

As she splashes the water on her face, she finds herself face to face with her own reflection.

The girl she is seeing right now looks like she's been completely drained of life. Everything suddenly became so serious. She's known all along that love has been missing from her heart and that the President founded the LoveMe section for the sole purpose of helping her retrieve that important emotion. It's also been very clear to her all along that, despite the fact that she obediently joined the LoveMe section and continues to perform the duties she is given, she doesn't really wish for that emotion to come back to her. She still finds it disgusting and it's still very much unwanted in her heart.

Right now Kyoko can't believe it hasn't occurred to her that the President would notice that her heart isn't in it and that there would come a time when she would have to make a serious choice.

But if asked, her answer is still no. She doesn't want to love again, or rather, to release the love she might be feeling into the world. The feeling of deep shame and sorrow is still fresh in her mind.

"_Even if you leave LME and go to another agency where they won't put you in a strange section with an embarrassing name and an offensively pink uniform, __**inside of you nothing will really change."**_

As those last seven words echo in her head, she sighs. Yes, there is no place left for Kyoko to hide.

Kyoko winces because she hears ringing from outside the bathroom. She quickly runs into her room and picks up her cell phone. Under caller ID it says 'Sawara-san'.

_Is he calling to tell me that I'm fired? Perhaps the President realized that there is no way I could pass the audition and that it's a waste of time to postpone the inevitable. But I still want to see Moko-san and I want to debut properly, and if I'm fired I won't be able to see Tsuruga-san anymore…_

_But I don't have the right to think that, do I?_

Kyoko sighs and answers the call.

"Hello? Mogami-san?"

She freezes from shock. The voice she just heard isn't Sawara-san's. "Tsuruga-san?" she whispers his name slowly.

"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry to be calling you suddenly like this, Mogami-san, but Yashiro accidentally touched my phone with his bare hands and well, you can probably guess what happened after that." Ren says and laughs softly.

"Ah." Kyoko replies, absently. To her this moment feels like something out of a dream, it's completely unreal. Somehow, since yesterday's conversation with the President, everything seems different. Her reflection, her career and the relationship she has with Tsuruga Ren. Even that name seems different when her thoughts whisper it to her.

"Is there something wrong, Mogami-san?" Ren asks, concerned because of her timid response.

Through the thick layers of sorrow, fear and disappointment, some light manages to shine and she smiles.

"No." Kyoko replies, with more confidence this time. Holding everything in is hard, but even if she's going to cave in completely, she doesn't want Ren to know about it. "Everything is alright, Tsuruga-san."

"Is that so? That's good then. Well, as I was saying, I don't have a phone right now so when I ran into Sawara-san in the hallway, I asked him if I could borrow his because I wanted to talk to you about something."

For a moment Kyoko is convinced that it must be about her being in love with him and disappointing him severely, that he's calling to cut ties with such a useless kohai. _Perhaps the President has already announced my dismissal from LME. _But she remembers that the President promised not to tell anyone anything until she's made her decision.

It takes Kyoko a moment to gather all her strength. "How can I be of help, Tsuruga-san?" she says, thankful that her voice doesn't quiver.

"Since your finals are coming up, I thought we could have dinner to celebrate." Ren says. Kyoko is unsure what to do. She would like to see him but at the same time she would very much like to avoid it. She is interrupted by Ren who, sensing some hesitation on her part, continues: "It's just that between BJ and all my other obligations, and you studying for you exams, we won't have that much time to see each other for a while and I would like to express my gratitude for a job well done, as Setsu I mean." Realizing that bringing up Setsu and leaving it at that might stir up some embarrassing memories for Kyoko which could cause her to refuse the dinner invitation, Ren adds: "I, as a senpai responsible for my kohai have a duty to make sure you don't overwork yourself like you almost did last time, when you were taking the entrance exams, Mogami-san." he finishes, hoping that is enough to put her mind at ease.

Little does he know that Kyoko is just barely listening to him. As much as she wants to and feels she definitely should, because he is her respected senpai, the very thought of seeing him, as soon as it was brought up, sent her thoughts spiraling uncontrollably through her mind. She wants to, but can she?

And then there's the role she should audition for unless she wants to lose everything, a role of a girl in love. No, worse, it's a role of a woman who isn't disgusted by love, doesn't fear it and even in the end openly confesses it. The mere thought of telling Ren her feelings is enough to make Kyoko wish there's a hole in the ground that could swallow her whole.

"Mogami-san?"

Hearing Ren's voice reminds Kyoko that now's not the time to be brooding over things. "Ah, yes. I'm sorry, Tsuruga-san." she responds as naturally as she can, but something is lacking as she doesn't quite have the energy to beg for forgiveness like she usually does.

Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Ren chuckles and tells her not to worry about it.

"I'm really sorry." Kyoko apologizes again, but this time for everything, including all the things that Ren knows nothing about. The guilt is making her chest feel heavy.

Ren is used to Kyoko blowing things out of proportion and feeling really depressed over the most trivial mistakes and things that are not really mistakes at all, so he doesn't take her sorrowful tone too seriously.

"It's fine, Mogami-san. Really." he says warmly.

_It wish it were so, Tsuruga-san. _Kyoko thinks to herself.

"Then, what do you say, Mogami san?"

_I'm scared, Tsuruga-san. I am terrified. What am I going to do? Tell me what to do. _

"I'm sorry, Tsuruga-san. I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on because my schedule has been so hectic lately so I can't tonight." Kyoko answers calmly, but as the lie leaves her mouth tears start streaming down her face. She's lying to him, just like she did when Reino was stalking her, but this feels so much worse and it's so much harder.

"I see." Ren says, trying to hide his disappointment as much as possible. He quickly realizes that it might be harder on Kyoko if he doesn't say something quickly, and although he would like it if she could understand the reason behind his disappointment, he is aware that it's impossible to expect that from her. "I understand, Mogami-san. Some other time, then." Ren says gently.

_Even if I go to the audition, I won't pass. I definitively won't pass. Everything is over. Everything will be gone. _

"Yes, some other time." Kyoko's own words sound so distant to her, like someone else is saying them through her. She feels like a ventriloquist's puppet.

"Please accept my gratitude for your work. Thank you, Mogami-san."

_I don't want to be that girl again and I don't want to lose your trust. I don't want to be alone._

"Thank you, Tsuruga-san. I'm really sorry." She can barely keep her voice calm anymore. The tears are taking their toll on her, her whole body is shaking and she feels like she's literally about to fall apart.

_Please, help me._

"There's no need to apologize, it's alright. Good night, Mogami-san."

_Someone, help me._

"Good night, Tsuruga-san."

And the call disconnects. Kyoko doesn't put the phone down. The silence coming from it seems so dreadfully loud to her all of a sudden.

"I'm sorry, Tsuruga-san." she cries into the phone, finally letting herself go. Tears are pouring down her face like raging waterfalls. The cell phone slips from her hand and hits the floor with a loud thud. She hides her face in her hands and falls to the floor. The tears keep coming, like they never intend to stop, and images start appearing in front of her, memories she's been trying to forget with all her might. Her mother, Sho's parents, Sho asking her to go away with him, his harsh words that broke her heart, the audition, meeting Ren, hating him, fearing him, admiring him, and in the end, loving him. Everything swarms around her at the same time, making her feel trapped. The walls she's built to protect herself from facing all these things are gone and with them her last line of defense.

Kyoko cries like that until exhaustion gets the better of her and she falls asleep.

Okami-san finds her curled up under the posters of Ren and Sho when she goes into her room to check up on her, worried because she hasn't come down for breakfast. With the look of a concerned mother on her face, she covers Kyoko with a blanket and quietly leaves the room. The feeling of wanting to help with all her heart, but being unable to do anything - that's what Okami-san is feeling now. Maybe she has been feeling that way ever since she met Kyoko. Despite the hardships she was going through, Kyoko has never neglected work or her responsibilities. She's never forgotten to keep up appearances and always paid attention not to worry other people. This time it's different and Okami-san feels it strongly. Something big is happening and she doesn't know how to help her.

She sighs and goes back downstairs to serve the customers.

* * *

Kyoko wakes up surrounded by darkness. Her head is throbbing so painfully that it's a struggle to keep her eyes open. Slowly, she sits up and glances out the window. High up in the sky the moon is shining brightly, casting a gentle light which illuminates the room.

Kyoko notices her cell phone and picks it up. The numbers on the screen surprise her; it's already 10 PM. It's not so strange, considering that she hasn't slept at all the night before. Right next to her is the blanket that fell off of her. Kyoko knows it must have been Okami-san and realizes she's completely neglected her responsibilities. To act in such a way is unforgivable.

"Kyoko-chan?" she hears Okami-san's voice.

Kyoko turns around and sees Okami-san standing at the door. Kyoko's eyes would be filling up with tears if she hadn't cried until there weren't any left.

"May I come in?" Okami-san asks and Kyoko nods her head, unable to say a single word. She's terribly ashamed of herself.

Okami-san enters the room, closes the door and slowly approaches Kyoko. She smiles gently at the troubled girl, as if she were her own child.

"Kyoko-chan" Okami-san says gently "I don't know what's troubling you and I'm not asking you to tell me because you don't have to, but I want you to know something. Everything passes. Even the things you think never will, even when it feels like the world is ending- it all passes." She takes Kyoko's hand in her own and continues "We are here for you, Kyoko-chan. We love you and we want you to be happy, even when you make mistakes, especially when you make mistakes. You're a young girl, Kyoko, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Hardships will come, and they will pass. Don't dwell too much on the past and don't throw your life away because you're afraid to face your weaknesses. It's good to be strong, Kyoko, but you can't be strong unless you acknowledge your weaknesses. If you run away from them, you're not being strong, just foolish." Okami-san smiles warmly and gently hugs Kyoko.

"I know you need a mother, and I know I am not your mother, but I would like for you to see me that way. It would make me happy if you could show me your tears and if I could share your pain with you, because that's what love is, Kyoko-chan. When you love someone, you want them to share everything with you, both happiness and sorrow equally. There is no hiding in love, no escaping. Love is comforting and without it we cannot survive. It's alright to be afraid, but there is nothing to fear, Kyoko-chan. Everything will be alright. You're safe."

Kyoko closes her eyes, taking in all of Okami-san's warmth. She feels protected, even though her walls crumbled. Her heart is safe, even though it's no longer locked up in a box and hidden away. Somehow, it's easier to breathe.

* * *

Kyoko is standing in front of her window, looking at the sleepy morning sun. Her eyes are swollen from crying, but there is something different about them as well. They are somehow clearer and gentler.

She looks at the cell phone in her hand and after taking a deep breath, presses the call button.

After 15 rings, a cranky voice answers.

"What?"

The cranky voice undoubtedly belongs to the famous Fuwa Show who has apparently just woken up.


	4. Chapter Three

Hey guys! Hope you're having a nice summer day. Well, unless you're in Australia… then I hope you're having a nice and warm winter day.

I want to thank all of my new followers: Lunay13, Otaku12367, Ricarika, bluegirl330817, e.g (won't let me publish the full name, don't know why), fallen95, mustardtan, o0violetphoenix0o, sekina marie, siriusrain, Geminia and yaoiotakuangel.

Also, those who reviewed the chapter and favorited the story :D

Special thanks to Celia Delahaye, Ava Mouzon, Nancy Lin and Jiji Kaddour from the Skip Beat! group on Facebook for the info they gave me :D Thanks guys!

Enjoy the new chapter!

* * *

"It's Kyoko." she replies.

Sho produces an incoherent noise before loudly falling to the floor. He fell asleep on the couch, as he often does when he stays up late watching some ridiculous comedy show on TV.

After a few moments of mumbling angrily and whispering curses, Sho finally regains composure, more or less, and responds with "What do you want?" as nonchalantly as he can. Kyoko doesn't read too much into it, but if it were anyone else, they would definitely see right through his poor acting.

"We have to meet." she answers, completely ignoring his rude tone. After all, that's how it has to be if she expects to actually resolve anything with him, because he definitely isn't going to suddenly change and become someone who is easy to talk to.

Even though her voice is stable and firm, her expression is far from serene. Kyoko is determined to meet Sho and talk to him. What she should say and what she wants to say, those two are still unclear to her, but even though it's like that, if she wants to debut and stay near Ren, she has to get through this. Sho is a big hurdle in her way and she's hoping that talking to him will somehow help her understand what it is that she must do to accept this thing called love, if that's even possible.

Sho is even more confused than Kyoko. Her sudden demand completely took him by surprise. Actually, it sounded more like an order than a demand. Why would Kyoko do such a thing? Even though she hates him with all her might, she never purposely seeks him out, she much rather avoids him. He's the one who plays games and manipulates her into coming to see him or finds some kind of an excuse to go see her. This is surely as baffling as the fact that that stuck up, long-legged, pompous jerk Tsuruga Ren has fallen in love with her.

"This is important so don't even try to make me chase you around, because I won't. If I have to, I'll use what I know about you and force you to come. You know I could if I wanted to." She knows Sho so she's sure he will succumb. His ego is way too delicate to allow something embarrassing about him to leak out, even if it ends up as just a rumor.

He grunts, clearly unhappy, but there is also a pinch of curiosity in the mixture of his voice. It's been forever since Kyoko last approached him. He can't help but wonder what it's all about. If his pride allowed him, he would tell her to come and meet him right this moment. No, if he were to be completely honest, he'd rush over to wherever she is and demand for her to explain. But he isn't honest, never has been and seems pretty intent on never being either.

"Fine, whatever." is all he says in the end, despite all his curiosity filled thoughts. He's far too weak to accept the truth, and it's even less likely that he'd admit to it, least of all to Kyoko.

"Wise decision. I know you're busy so let me know as soon as you know when we can meet." Kyoko says and hangs up. Her whole body feels heavier than a house and she can't believe she just called her number one enemy to demand a meeting.

She immediately scolds herself for thinking that. If she really intends to try this with all her heart, she needs to stop thinking of Sho as her enemy. That must become a thing of a past, a past she's leaving behind.

* * *

Only after the call disconnects does it become clear just how dumbfounded Sho is. He stares at his cell phone for a good fifteen minutes in complete silence before he is able to blink.

He finds that he's feeling rather uneasy about this sudden turn of events.

* * *

Kyoko sighs as she climbs down the stairs. The Taicho is already cutting away in the kitchen and Okami-san is making preparations for the opening.

"Good morning, Kyoko-chan." she greets the sleepy girl with swollen eyes. Despite everything, this morning for her is the happiest in a while. She feels like for the first time she's really been able to reach Kyoko.

"Good morning, Okami-san." Kyoko greets back and bows respectfully. Okami-san smiles warmly and invites her to sit down so they can have breakfast. Kyoko smiles back, although a rather weary smile, and sits down at the table. Okami-san and Taicho sit down soon after.

"I am sorry for neglecting my duties yesterday. It won't happen again." she apologizes and bows once more.

"It's fine, Kyoko-chan. We understand completely. As long as you're better, it doesn't matter." Okami-san tells her, smiling her warm motherly smile the entire time. "Right, dear?"

The Taicho grunts in agreement and continues to eat his rice in silence.

"See? Everything is fine. Now eat your breakfast." Okami-san says and Kyoko obediently picks up her chopsticks.

"Itadakimasu." Kyoko says and begins her breakfast. It's as tasty as ever, if not even more so this morning. It seems to her that releasing all those pent up emotions has opened up a whole new world for her, and things that she is used to now seem somehow different than before, if not entirely new. Maybe there is hope for her yet, maybe everything is not lost.

After the meal, Kyoko helps with the clean up. Since it's Saturday and there aren't any classes, she can help out at the Inn. She might not have any acting work, but the Inn is always busy and she can surely be of use to Okami-san. Kyoko's only obligation now is studying and she can do that after the Inn closes, so when she's not at school, she can work and help out.

"Kyoko-chan, you don't need to help out today." Okami-san tells Kyoko when she finishes washing the dishes. "You should take it easy right now. Your finals are coming up as well, so please don't worry about us."

Kyoko takes a deep bow and, despite feeling guilty about it, accepts Okami-san's words without a single complaint. It bothers her, but she also feels that she needs to sit down in peace and think carefully about what she wants to tell Sho. She definitely doesn't want to meet him unprepared. That would be a disaster and she could hardly expect any progress after allowing something like that to happen.

"Thank you, Okami-san. I'll do my best." Kyoko replies.

"I know you will, Kyoko-chan. And I also know that you'll succeed in conquering whatever it is that's troubling you and weighing you down. Just remember to be honest to yourself and don't be afraid to give a voice to those pains you're carrying around inside of you." Okami-san smiles and ushers Kyoko to go and rest a bit, since she hasn't been sleeping at all well lately.

Kyoko goes into her room and closes the door behind her. She immediately spots the drama script on the floor. With a loud sigh, she slides to the floor.

The role this time isn't dark or gloomy, it's the exact opposite - the girl is a kind and gentle person, someone who deserves a lot of good things to happen to her. She's in love, and the man she's in love with loves her back.

"He loves her back…" Kyoko whispers.

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't notice that her cell phone is ringing. She doesn't notice until the ringing becomes so violent, it threatens to bring the whole house down. She doesn't remember her cell phone ever being so loud.

Kyoko reaches for it, flips it open, and without even checking who's calling, since she's consumed by nervousness caused by the psychotic ringing, she accepts the call.

Before she gets a chance to say a single word, the angry voice on the other side of the line shouts at her.

"Why do you even have a cell phone if you're not going to carry it with you?! Why bother giving out your number to people if you have no intention of answering their calls?!"

"M-Moko-san?" Kyoko mutters, surprised by the call and the sudden verbal attack. Although she's used to Moko's way of communicating, which includes a harsh, unfriendly tone and expressions that are as close to insults as they can possibly get, it still shocks her when it happens so suddenly.

"Yes, it's me. Who else would it be?" she replies, irritation clear in her voice.

Kyoko feels a little bit relieved and a small smile appears on her face. It's like a little more of her load has been lifted. "I'm so glad to hear your voice, Moko-san." she says, completely absorbed in her own feelings, so much that she completely ignores Moko's angry tone.

"Don't Moko-san me, you traitor! I forbid you to call me your friend ever again!" Moko protests loudly. Kyoko is surprised and suddenly very worried. What did she do to make her so angry?

"Eh? Moko-san? What happened?"

"What happened!? You're seriously asking me that with that innocent voice?!" Moko shouts even louder and then coughs, probably because the intensity of her voice is too much for her throat to handle. The ever composed Moko obviously isn't used to shouting that much that strongly. Kyoko is pretty much the only one who can push her to the limit like that.

"I'm sorry, Moko-san. I'm really sorry, but please don't say you won't be my friend anymore. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it!" Kyoko shouts desperately.

Moko sighs. "You don't even know what you're apologizing for, do you?" she asks with a calmer voice, sounding more exhausted than angry.

Kyoko shakes her head and even though she can't see her do it, Moko knows, since it's Kyoko after all. "Did you forget you're on the phone? Normal people can't tell that you're shaking your head if they can't see you, you idiot!" Moko yells, but this time without much sincerity. It sounds more like a soft scolding.

"I'm sorry, Moko-san." Kyoko says apologetically.

"Ah, forget it. I should be used to it by now." Moko says and sighs.

"What did I do to make you angry, Moko-san?" Kyoko asks timidly, afraid of another outburst.

It's as if the past two days never happened and things are like they always were. Kyoko isn't on the verge of losing her job and her chance to do what she loves, she doesn't have to meet up with Sho and talk to him because she isn't desperate to resolve their relationship once and for all; it's almost as if none of it ever happened.

"Sawara-san told me today that you're taking a break. He said it's because of the finals, but I could tell that's not all. I can't believe I had to find out from Sawara-san. And only half of the story too." Moko says and can't help but realize it sounds like she's really hurt because she's been left out. That's a whole new level of pathetic that she managed to reach because of a certain someone.

Kyoko is surprised. She hasn't thought about it at all. If it was the other way around and she was the one who had to find out from Sawara-san that her friend is taking a break, she would feel sad and left out.

"I'm sorry, Moko-san. I…" and she goes silent, unsure of what to say. It's all so complicated and she doesn't really understand half of it herself, so she doesn't know how to explain it to her friend.

"It's fine. Judging by the way you sound, you've been through a lot these past two days." Moko says "Just don't let it happen again, do you understand?" she raises her voice again, although it doesn't sound nearly as threatening as before. She knows it's pointless to ask Kyoko to make such a promise, but she can't end it on a soft note either.

"Yes, Moko-san. I promise." Kyoko agrees and smiles, feeling relieved.

It's not like she wants to hide the truth from Moko, but she really doesn't know how to sum up the situation and put it into words. Nothing she can say can really measure up to the reality.

As she's thinking about that, her eyes fall on Sho's poster. Suddenly, she gets an idea that could possibly solve two of her pending problems at once.

"Moko-san, are you busy today?"


	5. Chapter Four

Hi again!

Well, to be honest, I wasn't planning on updating the fanfic so soon, but then I got a review from a reader, which goes like this:

Please post the next chapter now! :)

It sounds like half-request, half-demand, which made me laugh so I thought, oh what the hell, I've got the time. All I'm doing is sitting down at a desk and watching I hear your voice anyway (the new Korean drama-it sucks, but the main couple is just too cute).

So, Daredevil girl, this one's for you :D

P.S. I also want to welcome my new followers Phyrradoxa and Kiaranaria!

* * *

"What did you just say?" Moko shouted, surprising everyone at the small coffee shop where they've been peacefully drinking tea, that is until Kyoko summarized the past two days for her. "He threatened to fire you if you don't go to the audition and pass? Is he crazy? Even if you were an experienced actress, there would be no guarantee you'd pass!"

"I don't think he expects me to pass, Moko-san." Kyoko replies.

"Well of course he doesn't, it's impossible!" Moko shouts and after the words leave her mouth, she realizes she actually said something mean. "I mean, it's-" she begins to explain, but Kyoko interrupts her.

"It's fine, Moko-san. I thought the same thing when I first heard it. I mean, every time I even hear about love I go crazy, so the idea that I could play a girl who finds comfort and strength in that same feeling sounds impossible." Kyoko says gently. Moko is thinking she should probably say something now to encourage her no matter how hopeless it really seems, because if it stays this way, there's no way she'll even come close to passing, and that weird man seems to be serious about firing her.

"But I don't think that way anymore, Moko-san." she finishes and smiles warmly at Moko.

Moko is stunned. The Kyoko she knows is full of surprises, often very scary and most importantly, she detests love. She wouldn't be caught dead feeling it, let alone professing it. She's strong and determined, it takes a lot to shake her, and a lot more than that to knock her down, but the mere mention of Fuwa Sho or love makes her boil with rage.

This girl sitting in front of her today, however, isn't the Kyoko that Moko knows.

They both sit in silence for a while. Moko is silent because she doesn't know how to respond to Kyoko's words, and Kyoko because she is trying to find the right words to explain her feelings.

"When I think about staying this way forever it seems sad and lonely, and that's why I believe that there must be a way for me to get past this. The President wouldn't have given me this chance unless he thinks I can do it somehow. I probably won't pass, but if I can go to the audition and put my heart into my acting like I always do, that will be enough. That's what I think." Kyoko says and her cheeks get a bit red. She's too embarrassed to look up at Moko so she keeps her head down.

Moko, on the other hand, is very surprised. To hear all this from a girl with zero confidence who describes herself with words like plain and boring, and thinks her acting skills are nothing out of the ordinary, like anyone could do what she does, it comes as a shock indeed. Along with shock comes another feeling, jealousy. Moko is far too proud to admit it, but in a corner of her mind a thought is hiding and it goes something like this: Kyoko's moving on. Mixed with jealousy is also a bit of sadness, because she can tell that it won't be long before Kyoko leaves the LoveMe section. As for herself, she's just as sure that it won't happen anytime soon.

"So, what's the plan?" Moko asks, trying to sound nonchalant even though she isn't. She isn't the kind of person that can encourage and praise people openly. It's far too embarrassing.

Kyoko timidly looks up at Moko, who, annoyed by that and more, glares at her. "The plan? Or do I have to wait for Sawara-san to tell me?" she says coldly, feeling a bit angry at herself because she's still hung up on that.

"Ah, well, that's the other reason why I asked to meet you today, Moko-san." Kyoko says, her expression somewhere between excitement and embarrassment.

"The other reason?" Moko repeats, one eyebrow lifted.

"Ah, um…" Kyoko hesitates, which irritates Moko even more. Like everything so far isn't enough.

"Spill it out already!" she shouts and everyone in the coffee shop looks at the two of them again.

"IcalledShoandtoldhimwehavetomeetsonowIwanttohavea practicemeetingsoIcanbebetterpreparedforwhenImeetw ithhim." Kyoko blurts out all at once. Her hands are clenching her pants as she awaits another outburst from Moko.

Moko thought that she couldn't be more shocked when she heard about the President's ultimatum. Then she changed her mind when she heard Kyoko saying she will try out at the audition seriously. But all that is nothing compared to what she's hearing now, because this must be the most shocking thing anyone has ever heard in the history of the planet.

"I'm sorry, Moko-san, for tricking you like this! I didn't want to do this, but you're the only one that can help me and I was afraid you'd refuse, because you don't want to do something stupid like that." Kyoko says as soon as she sees the expression on Moko's face. She mistakes it for anger, but it's actually just speechlessness.

"Ok, ok, calm down." Moko says as soon as she regains composure.

Kyoko relaxes a bit. Moko's had enough of public embarrassment so she decides to try and do this one calmly.

"Now, explain it slowly." she says and Kyoko nods.

"I've been thinking about it a lot, and I think if I'm going to do this audition seriously, I have to talk to Sho." she says and looks at Moko.

"I'm listening." she replies and takes a sip of her coffee to distract her instinct that's telling her to get up and run away as fast as she can.

"Well, I'm not sure what will really happen when I meet with him, or what I should even say to him, but somehow I know that I won't be able to act out that role at all unless I see him. I… I don't want to go unprepared, although it seems to me that I will be unprepared no matter how much I think about it, but I want to at least have something to start with. If I just go like this, we will most likely end up fighting like usual and nothing will come out of it." Kyoko says and sighs, remembering their usual "conversations". They consist only of insults and are no different than bickering between children. That's not the way Kyoko wants this meeting to go because she won't get another chance.

"I understand." Moko says. Awakened from her daydreams, Kyoko looks up at her in surprise. She didn't expect Moko to give in that easily. "So all I have to do is sit here and pretend I'm Fuwa Sho, right?"

"Moko-saaaaaan!" Kyoko shouts and throws herself across the table to hug Moko, but Moko's hand stops her head from getting too close.

"Sit." Moko orders Kyoko like she were a dog and Kyoko, wagging her invisible tail, obeys. "Stay." comes another order from Moko and Kyoko calms down.

"Thank you, Moko-san. I know it must be a bother to you, but you're still doing it. I also feel a lot better now that I've seen you, it's almost like the past couple of days never happened." Kyoko tells her and smiles a grateful smile.

The sadness in it is obvious, making Moko groan out of irritation. It must be hard for Kyoko, and since she can't do much for her in the terms of verbal encouragement, she has to do what she can, even if it means pretending to be Fuwa Sho. She shivers and shakes her head, suddenly disgusted by this newfound softness of hers. This is not the time to be developing a gentle side to her personality; she has a job to do.

"Fuwa Sho…" Moko says out loud. Kyoko watches with interest, her eyes sparkling in admiration, as Moko slowly transforms into Fuwa Sho. The first part of the transformation is the transformation of the mind-she needs to think like him, so she can act like him instinctively. The second part is the physical transformation which comes naturally after she grasps the essence of the role. Sho is a rather shallow person, but that doesn't make the transformation easy. If anything, it makes it harder, because to be such an egoistic jerk takes a lot of dedication.

Moko completed the process in mere five minutes. Instead of her friend, opposite Kyoko now sits Sho. He is lying in the chair more than sitting in it, his legs crossed in a laid back manner. Moko even captures his obvious effort to appear nonchalant even though he isn't. Well, it's obvious to everyone except to Kyoko.

Kyoko is astonished and gasps for air once the Fuwa Sho in front of her speaks.

"So, what is it? Be quick, because I'm busy. Not that an unknown talento like you would know anything about that." "he" says smugly.

Inside her mind, Moko is thanking God she decided to wear pants today.

* * *

Ever since that call, Ren's mind has been occupied with thoughts of Kyoko, even more so than he's used to. Something in her voice that day seemed off but he can't put his finger on it. She doesn't have a habit of sharing things with him, especially things that trouble her for fear of troubling him, so the chances of her telling him by herself are slim. After being rejected like that, though, his confidence is low and he's afraid of calling her again. He's made peace with the fact that she will probably never be his no matter what he does, but he still has a hard time dealing with that fact.

He's violently pulled out of his thoughts by the angry honking coming from the cars behind him. The light turned green and he didn't notice. Ren sighs and presses the gas pedal, ready to drive on, but something catches his eye and he stops.

On his left he catches a glimpse of a familiar face, and not just any face, it's Kyoko. Kyoko and her friend who shares the LoveMe uniform are sitting in a coffee shop. There's something strange going on, Kyoko's friend seems to be acting odd. That's enough to capture his full attention, much to the displeasure of the drivers behind him.

* * *

It's been ten minutes since Moko's transformation and Kyoko still hasn't said a single word. Moko can understand that she needs some time to adjust, as her sparkling eyes give away her thoughts without fail, but ten minutes is too much.

Feeling that she's pushed Sho's patience over the top as it is, she complains as he probably would have within seconds of his arrival "Hey, you're the one who called me here to talk so talk!"

Kyoko knows she's stalling and she also knows that Moko has given her more time than Sho would, but she still doesn't have a clue what to say. Not wishing to stall any longer and trouble Moko with her stupidity, she finally speaks "I'm sorry, Moko-san. I know I asked you to do this, and despite everything you agreed to help me, but I have no idea what to say."

Her feelings are showing clearly on her face-she's embarrassed, disappointed in herself, worried about the real meeting, since the practice is going so badly, scared of not being able to move on because of this and confused because despite all that, she still doesn't have a clue what to do.

"It's quite simple, actually." Moko says, breaking character. "Just be honest. If you try to play his game, you'll lose. People like him are weak to honesty." She looks at Kyoko who is looking at her, her confusion so obvious it's painful.

"Well, it's not like he's going to change, you might not get a single honest word out of him despite being honest yourself, but… well, I think you'll succeed in what you're trying to do."

"What I'm trying to do…" Kyoko repeats, trying to understand Moko's words.

"Yes. You're not trying to reconcile with him or improve your relationship, right?"

Kyoko shakes her head violently, a response Moko expected, and Moko continues. "If that's the case, then isn't it alright if you're the only one who's honest?"

Kyoko thinks about it for a moment. Of course she isn't planning on being friends with him or anything, but isn't she always honest?

"No, you're not." Moko interrupts as if she's read her mind. "You say you hate him and that he's the devil, but that's not how you honestly feel, is it? In the back of your mind you know he's just immature and arrogant, and that you don't really hate him. You're angry at yourself because you didn't see the truth in time and you're hurt because he ignored all your efforts and honest feelings."

Only then does Moko notice that Kyoko is crying. She panics immediately, unsure how to deal with the situation. "Stop-stop crying!" she shouts, turning everyone's attention to them again. She starts pulling out tissues from the box on the table with a bit too much force so she ends up tearing up most of them. "You're embarrassing me!" she yells, unable to say anything else. She's just not the comforting type.

That last shout helps Kyoko snap out of her daze. She froze and forgot all about Moko. She didn't even notice the tears pouring down her face.

"Moko-san?" she says finally, confused by Moko's behavior.

Moko buries her face in her hands. "So embarrassing!"

Kyoko notices the sea of torn up tissues on the table and smiles gently at her friend. She takes a couple of pieces and wipes off her tears. "I'm sorry, Moko-san. Don't be mad, please."

Moko groans and lifts up her head. "You're driving me crazy."

That's definitely true, but it's not the whole truth.

"I'm sorry, Moko-san." Kyoko apologizes again.

To her it feels like things are falling right into place. Everything will probably be alright.

"Mogami-san?"

Kyoko lifts up her head with violent speed and meets a pair of familiar eyes.

"Is everything alright?" Ren asks, his concern obvious even to Kyoko.

Suddenly it seems like nothing will be alright.


	6. Chapter Five

Hi guys!

Sorry. I know I'm so very very late with this update but I was kind of in another world this past week and I couldn't really concentrate enough to write.

Big thanks to my new followers: EndGameGirl, FeatheredPhoenix, Hidemari-chan, MizzDarky215, QuietKills, Rycans, butterpopcorn, deea93, i.s24 (the site doesn't seem to want to post the full name, sorry), kylietjoa and moon3.

This chapter is for all of you!

And QuietKills, I love you too :P

Enjoy!

* * *

Right now Kyoko is wondering how she always manages to end up in these situations. One moment she's with Moko who's complaining about her unpredictable behavior, and the next she's sitting opposite Ren, sharing an awkward silence. How did that happen?

Moko was as surprised to see Ren as Kyoko was, but not nearly as terrified. After thinking about it briefly, while Kyoko was just gaping, unable to say a single word, she decided to give them some space. She doesn't really like Ren, for multiple reasons, but most of those are selfish. Since it's like that, it made sense to her to get out of the way. She could also sense Kyoko's strong desire to run away, but recent events have made it clear that there's no more running away for her.

"I interrupted something, didn't I? I apologize, Mogami-san." Ren says with a gentle smile.

It's as if three days ago Kyoko was shoved into a washing machine which was set to the longest possible cycle, and now her life is tumbling inside of it, completely out of control.

"Ah-No, no, you didn't. We were just having some coffee. There is no need to apologize, Tsuruga-san." Kyoko clumsily lies. Of course she can't tell him the truth. Or is it that she doesn't want to?

She's been able to explain it all to Moko so why not to Ren?

"Is that so." Ren accepts, even though he knows it's a lie. He regrets not leaving when he saw how Kyoko reacted when she saw him. It's true that he regrets it, but he couldn't just walk away after seeing Kyoko's tear-smudged face. "I came to have a cup of coffee myself." he lies back.

Kyoko, of course, knows why she can't explain everything to Ren.

The distance between Ren and Kyoko is bigger now than ever. Maybe she's always been that far away, but it just took so long for Ren to realize it. His smile weakens with every thought.

They continue their superficial conversation, exchanging facts which in reality don't matter at all and seem like the biggest lies, compared to what they really wish they could say to each other. They both grow very tired of it soon.

Afraid his disappointment and pain would expose themselves if he stays longer, Ren decides to leave. He says that he has a photo shoot in the afternoon, which is not a complete lie.

Seeing Kyoko's relief causes another crack on his mask to appear. All the progress he's made since he met her seems to be crumbling under his feet right now, and he can't figure out why.

"It was good to see you, Mogami-san. Good luck on your finals." he says and his heart starts to sink, giving way to dark thoughts.

"Goodbye, Tsuruga-san." Kyoko says and bows.

Are they really back to square one?

"Tsuruga-san?" Kyoko says just as Ren turns around.

He turns to face her, his expressions betraying the surprise he's feeling.

"I don't really know what to say to you right now so our conversations might be filled with silence, but it still makes me happy." Kyoko almost whispers while looking at the floor, too embarrassed to look at Ren.

Her gentle voice pulls Ren out of the depressing thoughts he was already familiar with.

Kyoko looks up with a little more confidence than before. "I'm happy when I hear your voice and when I see you. Please Tsuruga-san, believe in me. I'm going to be able to talk to you properly again soon. I will explain it to you, but not right now. This is something I have to do by myself. I promise I will tell you as soon as I'm able to." she says with determination.

But it isn't her usual determination, the childlike eyes filled with blind determination have changed somewhere along the way. Now there is a new pair of eyes looking at him, they are less confident and not as strong as before, but they give him hope. He doesn't know how to explain it, but the eyes he's looking at now give him hope. Ren isn't even sure what that hope is for exactly, but it's definitely hope, and he concludes that hope cannot be a bad thing.

He smiles at Kyoko. It's a smile that stands for a thousand emotions and a million thoughts. He's relieved, rescued, grateful, happy, curious, confused, surprised, afraid, comforted, worried and reassured.

Somewhere in the deepest, darkest place of Kyoko's heart, a thought is born, a question.

_Does he smile like that at other people too?_

Is it hope?

* * *

The next couple of days pass in peace. Kyoko spends them studying for the finals with as little break time as possible, trying to avoid thinking about Sho and the audition. Every once in a while she would glance at the script, wishing she could like it and be interested in it, but each time she would look away disappointed.

At times she would wonder if it was pointless to try and mend what's broken inside of her, if it's even possible to do that.

Okami-san could sense Kyoko wavering, and she would give her little encouragement each time. She noticed that Kyoko's visibly more relaxed and comfortable around other people. Her expressions have a new depth to them and her smiles reveal more about her true state than they used to. She observes all of these changes this with a motherly sense of content and pride.

* * *

Sho's been restless ever since Kyoko's mysterious call. He's been fidgeting all day long and hardly slept at night. Even his favorite shows aren't as funny as they used to be. It annoys him. Everything annoys him, even more than usual. Most of the time it was an act, he would just get annoyed out of boredom or laziness, but this time it's serious. He's seriously annoyed. It has happened before and it was always Kyoko's fault.

As soon as he came to his senses after Kyoko hung up, he wanted to rush to check his schedule, but his pride didn't allow him. Instead, he decided to try and pretend he couldn't care less. It lasted for full fifteen minutes, before he took a look at the papers that his manager leaves for him, even though he never bothers to read them.

_He stretched, trying to appear nonchalant, the entire time eyeing the papers on the table. Then, as if there was someone else in the room that he had to fool into believing his act, he "accidentally" pushed the table while stretching his legs and the papers fell to the floor. He waited for a moment, despite the curiosity that was burning a hole in his head, and then just "accidentally" twisted his neck so he could read what was written on the schedule._

_Once he realized that the next five days are packed, he got annoyed and threw himself back on the couch. There's no way he would ask his manager to rearrange the scheduled because of Kyoko._

_"Over my dead body." he said through his clenched teeth._

Shoko, Sho's manager, has been watching him closely ever since he caused a huge ruckus over a bottle of ice tea at a photo shoot three days ago. She's used to him being spoiled and acting like an immature brat, but that was usually reserved only for her. In front of other people he kept himself in check, more or less. He was still very demanding and diva-like, but it was all within reason. Well, except when Kyoko was involved?

"Sho?"

Sho grumbles. He's been staring out the window of the van since they've left his house, and that's been his routine lately. Not that he's usually talkative, but he was never this absent minded.

Shoko's been trying to get him to tell her what's going on, but he always avoids it and just grumbles something incoherent, so this time she just decides to get straight to the point: "Did something happen between you and Kyoko recently?"

Sho responds with an angry grunt and violently pushes the seat in front of him. Thankfully, it's unoccupied.

"Don't mention her name in my presence!" he shouts and turns to stare out the window pointlessly.

Shoko sighs. If she doesn't know what happened, she can't fix it, and if she can't fix it he'll stay that way for who knows how long. Since Sho is determined to shut her out, she has to ask the only other person who knows what's wrong with him.

Shoko decides that as soon as they arrive at their next job she'll give Kyoko a call and try to solve this mess. It's hard enough to deal with him when he's himself, but the way he is now is just unbearable.

Sho would rather drive himself insane than speak honestly about his feelings.

* * *

"Are you alright?" Yashiro asks. He simply can't tell which is real; the troubled expression Ren's been wearing a few days ago, or the transformation that suddenly occurred. He is constantly smiling a smile so bright that Yashiro has to put sunglasses on if he wants to look at him, even at night. The weird thing is there is no strain that's usually there when he's in his "professional" mode.

"I'm fine, Yashiro. You don't have to worry." Ren replies with an even wider smile.

Yashiro finds it very odd that it doesn't seem one bit fake. He adjusts his sunglasses and sneaks a peek at Ren. He looks comfortable in his outfit, as he always does, but the aura surrounding him is frighteningly bright. Sure, Yashiro has experienced similar changes in Ren, but only when Kyoko was involved.

"Ren?"

"Yes?" Ren says and drinks some bottled water that the staff prepared for him.

"Have you heard from Kyoko-chan lately?" Yashiro asks, trying not to be too obvious while he closely observes Ren's reaction.

Ren's lips stretch into a wide smile as he answers, his voice sounding almost like a chuckle: "Yes, I happened to come across Mogami-san and her friend in a coffee shop near the main building. It has a really nice atmosphere, we should go sometimes." It's obvious that he's been expecting the question.

Yashiro knows Ren is mocking him and that he won't be able to get any useful information out of him this way, so he decides to stop pursuing the topic. However, he's sure that Kyoko has something to do with this sudden change of mood. If Ren won't tell him, then he has no choice but to ask the only other person who could tell him what happened, even though she couldn't possibly imagine the effect it has on Ren.

* * *

Kyoko is keeping herself busy studying. The pile of materials she has to go through is dangerously shrinking and it's scaring her. She doesn't want free time because her thoughts might wander into those dark, hidden corners of her mind where all the dirt is.

Kyoko shakes her head and scolds herself. She already decided to do this, or at least try really hard to do it, so there is no room for such cowardice.

Just as she comes to that conclusion, her cell phone rings. The sound shocks her and she stays frozen for a while, contemplating the situation. It could be Sho. No, he wouldn't call her himself, he'd probably make his manager do it.

She picks up her cell phone and checks the caller ID.


	7. Chapter Six

First off, let me apologize. I know I said I'd update the fanfic regularly but I have failed to keep that promise. I won't give you any excuses, because honestly, I have none to give. I am sorry and I will do my best so that this doesn't happen again. I promised myself that I'd stick with this fanfic till the end and I fully intend to keep that promise.

I've got more that 50 followers (56 to be exact)! I'm so happy and thankful. You guys are the force that drives me so please keep following, favoriting and commenting.

Also, there is a little surprise in this chapter for my 50th follower, Violet Masen-Clearwater. I hope you like it :)

There's also a little prize for the first person who correctly guesses who said the last sentence in this chapter. Good luck :D (read the rest of the chapter first!)  
One answer per person accepted, because otherwise it's just too easy. If you write multiple answers, I'll ignore all except the first one :p

This one is for all of you!

* * *

Kyoko takes a deep breath and accepts the call.

"Hello? Where are you? I've been waiting for an hour!" a woman's voice shouts in English.

Kyoko is stunned. She didn't recognize the number so she was prepared for a couple possible scenarios, like Yashiro breaking Ren's phone again and Ren calling from someone else's phone, or the President trying to catch her off guard by using a number unfamiliar to her, but she wasn't prepared for this.

"Hello? Are you there?" the woman asks.

"Who are you?" Kyoko says in clumsy English.

"What do you mean who am I? It's Violet." the woman answers and puzzles Kyoko even further. Kyoko's mind is trying to find a reasonable explanation, but it isn't successful.

"Ah!" Kyoko hears the woman shout suddenly. "I've dialed the wrong number!"

And just like that, the mystery is solved.

"I'm so sorry, wrong number!" she quickly apologizes and before Kyoko even got a chance to say anything, the woman hangs up the phone.

Kyoko sighs, out of both relief and uneasiness. She's relieved because it wasn't Sho or his manager, but she's feeling rather uneasy when she thinks about the conversations that she's yet to have.

* * *

"Hmm." the President mumbles to himself while listening to a woman recite those familiar words "The number you're trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later." into his ear for the second time in a row. "I guess I'll have to try again later." he says, his expression betraying his disappointment. He's been very excited since 5 minutes ago when his assistant brought him something of great importance, and he really wanted to share it with Kyoko as soon as possible. Actually, he brought him two things of great importance, and one of them is his new costume, but that is meant to be a surprise.

His extravagantly dressed assistant serves him tea, but the President is too busy sulking to notice. He's wondering who Kyoko could be talking to and trying to resist the need to call her again immediately, since he's hurt because Kyoko is too busy to talk to him. His efforts fail once he catches a glimpse of the papers on the coffee table that remind him why he was trying to reach Kyoko in the first place.

The four words on the first page instantly spike up his excitement and he reaches for the flashy cobra-shaped phone.

* * *

"The number you're trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later."

Yashiro sighs. He was hoping that Kyoko would answer right away, because he can't risk getting caught by Ren. He's been trying to slip away since they arrived at the studio, but after a couple of hours of trying, this is the only time he's succeeded.

"Yashiro." Ren's menacing voice suddenly rises from behind him.

"Ah, I was just-"

Ren stretches out his hand, palm upwards, in front of Yashiro. He looks at his phone and reluctantly hands it over. Ren takes the phone and puts it in his pocket, but stretches out his hand again.

"But-" Yashiro tries to counter. Ren's expression remains unchanged so Yashiro just sighs and complies. He takes off his glove and places it in Ren's palm.

"I told you not to bother her." Ren tells him.

"It's because you won't tell me anything."

Ren doesn't respond to Yashiro's complaint. He turns around and walks away with a smirk on his face. Yashiro follows, his emotions split between intense curiosity, disappointment because he didn't have a chance to satisfy it, and excitement, because there must be a good story hiding behind Ren's good mood.

* * *

It's ringing again. Kyoko's phone is ringing again.

Kyoko stares at it for a few moments, unsure what to do. Carefully, she reaches for the cell phone and reads the caller ID. It's an unknown number. Again.

She answers it, completely prepared for yet another foreigner to shout at her.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Mogami-san?"

Kyoko gets another shock. This time, she wasn't expecting anyone she actually knows.

"Sh-Shoko-san?" she says, not believing her own words. She issued the challenge, but it turns out she didn't really believe that Sho would comply.

"I'm really sorry for bothering you, Mogami-san, but I don't know what else to do." Shoko says. She doesn't think it's fair to Kyoko to be asking her for help, but she it was either that or letting Sho continue spiraling out of control. If he keeps acting like a spoiled child and lets his temper control him, it might not just be Shoko's peace of mind that is at risk, but his career as well.

"What-What are you talking about, Shoko-san?" Kyoko asks. It doesn't sound to her like the call is about arranging her meeting with Sho.

"I really am sorry for bothering you with this, but did you, by any chance, meet with Sho three days ago?"

Kyoko called Sho three days ago to tell him she wants to meet with him. "Three days ago?" Kyoko asks, feeling like she already knows the whole story.

"Yes. Sho's been acting strange since then and when he's out of control, it's usually related to you somehow, so I just thought… If you didn't, forget I said anything." Shoko says, more puzzled than before. If it isn't Kyoko, then what is it? It crosses her mind that it might be something related to Ren, but she hasn't heard anything special about him either. She usually keeps an eye on news about Ren and Kyoko so that she can prevent Sho from hearing it.

"Where is he right now?" Kyoko says, her voice much firmer than before.

"Excuse me?" Shoko asks, confused by this sudden change in Kyoko.

It's very clear to Kyoko that Sho didn't tell his manager anything, and it's also quite clear to her that he isn't planning on keeping his word and meeting her, but she is going to keep her word.

"Sho, where is he right now?"

* * *

Leaving Sho alone was a risky thing to do, but Shoko had no choice. She keeps telling herself that. But why did Kyoko ask her where he was? She couldn't seriously be thinking of coming to see him… Could she?

"Ah, Shoko-san." a timid, fragile looking woman approaches her.

"I'm sorry, I had to make a quick phone call." she quickly replies. Judging by the expression on the woman's face, Sho has been creating trouble again. Shoko sighs and hurries towards the studio, the timid woman following close behind.

She arrives at the studio just in time to witness Sho shouting at the musical producer.

"What do you mean do it again? Who the hell are you to tell me that it's not good enough? You-"

"Sho!" Shoko shouts, already at her wits end. "That's enough." she tells him firmly. She usually lets him have his way, not that she has much choice, but this is simply too much. She must have aged at least 10 years in the last three days.

"I'm sorry, Takeshi-san. Please excuse us for a moment." she apologizes and bows.

Sho is about to voice out a complaint, loudly and disrespectfully no doubt, but Shoko pulls him out of the studio before he gets a chance.

"What the-" Sho begins, but Shoko interrupts him.

"Enough!" she shouts, surprising even herself. Sho unconsciously takes a step back.

Shoko takes a deep breath and composes herself so her next words sound less aggressive. "Do you think you're the only one who can scream and shout? Do you think that that producer doesn't have any complaints? Even though you keep acting like you know everything and don't need anyone's help? Do you really believe that I don't have any complaints? Even though I have to listen to your constant whining, tolerate your mood swings and repair the damage you continuously inflict on your career. You're talented, we can all see that, but that doesn't give you the right to just do whatever you want. When will you learn, Sho? When will you grow up?!"

Shoko looks at Sho and sighs. He's shocked, but that's all. It's not like she expected her words to have a serious impact, if she thought that it was in her power to change him, she would have done it years ago.

"It's difficult, for all of us, to be true to ourselves. I'm not going to force you to do anything, but in the end the person who will be hurt the most by your behavior is you, Sho. Do you realize that?" Shoko says, the bitterness in her voice gone.

She gives Sho a sad smile. "I'll go talk to the producer. Come back when you're ready. Please, try to get through this recording without any more scenes. After that… After that, I'll figure something out."

She leaves him alone in the empty hallway. He just continues to blankly stare ahead, not really seeing anything. He's been scolded before by countless people, and this isn't even the first time Shoko scolded him seriously, but why does it feel so different?

He doesn't even realize that he's not alone.

* * *

"The number you're trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later."

The President sighs as he looks at the papers on the table. The four words on the first page now seem to bring out more worry than excitement.

He has a bad feeling about this situation. It seems to him that something he didn't take into consideration could create problems and disturb his master plan, despite all the effort he's putting into keeping himself from meddling. While he's busy agonizing over these thoughts, someone enters his office.

"'"Seven years" audition schedule'. What is this?"


	8. Chapter Seven

Hello everyone! It's been a while. A lot of stuff happened, I even moved to another city :)

I have an announcement to make: We have a winner! One of you guessed correctly who said the last sentence in the last chapter so the person who guessed right (you'll know who you are) pm me please once you've read the chapter because I don't want to spoil it for you ;)

I can't believe I have over 70 followers! That's great! I've had moments in which I wanted to give up on this fanfic but the new followers and favorites and reviews helped me get back to it so for future reference, if you notice that I haven't updated the fic in a while and you want a new chapter, send me a pm or leave a comment and that will probably be enough for me to get back to it.

Also, starting from this chapter, the spelling might be a bit off (and other things too) because I don't have as much internet as before so I can't check it as many times as I'd like. Sorry.

Special thanks to Ayame Aoi, Princess Ella Penaflor, Nicole Richter and Nancy Lin who helped me out with a question in the SB facebook group.

Thanks again everyone!

* * *

Kyoko hates doing this, but she doesn't have time to bother with technicalities. Yes, she did threaten Sho she would embarrass him if he didn't listen to her, but Moko is right, she can't afford to play his game and that is exactly what threats and blackmail are. It does seem unfair that she has to be the one to search him out when it's he who should be making amends for his actions, but she realized that she cannot wait for him to realize his mistakes, her moving on cannot depend on Sho. That would be too cruel and more unfair than anything else.

Even though she still hasn't got a clue what to do once she meets with Sho, Kyoko is sure of one thing – she can't forgive him. Whatever it is she is trying to accomplish by seeking him out and talking to him, she knows forgiveness isn't it. Perhaps she could forgive him, if she never saw his face again, but that isn't true forgiveness, that's just burying her feelings deeper inside of her, from where they cannot spring out easily. But they would still be there, so it's pointless to even try. If she has to say what confuses and scares her the most about this meeting, it's probably that - the fact that she cannot imagine herself forgiving Sho and really being at peace with their past. Deep down she knows that that's the reason she has to talk to him and what she desperately needs to move on, but she just can't believe it's possible, not for her.

Just standing in front of the huge building, while trying to catch her breath, is enough to make Kyoko feel small. Small, but not insignificant.

Sho is recording his new song inside.

Kyoko enters the building with blind determination; sure, she doesn't know what she wants to say to him, but she doesn't really have a choice. She started this, so she has to be the one to finish it. Even if no one else in the whole world cares, she has to care, because it's her life and it's the only one she's got.

Only when she sees the reception desk does Kyoko realize that she doesn't have means of getting to him. She doesn't have an appointment, nor is she a well known musician.

"Hey you!" she hears a rough voice shout from behind her. It's prickly, like it's been sandpapered, but it's most probably the result of too much smoking.

Kyoko turns around and finds herself face to face with a tall man wearing sweatpants and a baseball cap. He looks like he hasn't shaved in days and the ends of his black hair are messily sticking out from under his cap. The stranger's hands are filled with out of control folders with papers sticking out of them, musical notes scribbled on them.

His black sunglasses slide down his nose a bit, revealing his blue eyes and he gives Kyoko a cold, hard glare.

"Do you think you could, oh I don't know, help me with these?" he says to her in a mock voice and continues to glare until she finally succumbs and starts taking the crazy folders off his hands.

After freeing the man's hands, Kyoko notices he has a professional-looking bag hanging over his shoulder. It seems to be bag, but it at the same time it looks like some sort of a tool box. Kyoko didn't have more time to ponder over it as the man starts speaking loudly again.

"Good thing they sent _someone_ this time, even if it is someone as small as you. Last time I had to get all this stuff up myself and I wasn't able to tune properly." He paused and threw Kyoko a sideways glance. "You see, I've got a bit of an anger management problem."

Kyoko just nodded. She was somewhere between being baffled and fascinated. By the time she snapped out of it, they already walked past the reception desk at which they didn't stop at all, and were entering an elevator. The security guard just let them through without even bothering to ask for identification.

"Tune?" she asks, suddenly breaking the silence. The elevator is climbing steadily. It isn't slow, but it isn't one of those super fast ones that make you nauseous either.

The man chuckles and takes one hand out of the pocket of his baggy pants to scratch an itch on his chin that his growing stubble is creating. "You're a fast one, aren't you?" he says jokingly.

Kyoko realizes that at least a minute or so went by since he last spoke. She apologizes, feeling slightly embarrassed. The day sure is turning stranger by the second.

"I'm a piano tuner by profession, kid." the man says and takes out a cigarette and green plastic lighter out of his other pocket. He glances at the "no smoking" sticker shining clearly on the elevator wall and smugly lights his cigarette. "Just by looking at me you can tell how hard I had to work to get to where I am now, tuning for the world's best pianists." he says and smiles nostalgically "I'm not very good at being polite or classy, or even decent for that matter, as you can see." He pauses for a moment, the memories suddenly flooding his mind. It's been a while since he took a moment to remember all that stuff from the past. "And in the world of classical music, it's all about fancy suits, expensive ties, snobbish conversations and obnoxious manners. 'Course not everyone's like that, but most of them are, at least to an extent, elitists. And look at me. I wear sweatpants all the time, don't even want to bother with finishing most of my sentences and I prefer to shout because it eliminates the possibility of having to repeat my words. No one believed I could do anything. I swear, before I've made my name in this world, many of the people I worked with were tempted to give me some change or buy me a meal, or something. There were many times when I wanted to quit and tell them all to go to hell, because I sure as hell couldn't become one of them and the world could survive without one more piano tuner, right?"

"But that sound… When the piano is tuned just right, that's what made it all worth it. We'd sit alone, just me and a piano in a dimly lit empty hall and we talked. We talked until the piano began to sing. And when it did, it was the best sound in the whole world, better than any symphony or sonata. So I kept at it, and succeeded."

The man looks at Kyoko and scratches his chin again. "Remind me again, why am I telling you all this, kid?"

Kyoko doesn't hear his question as she's miles away, but actually right there, a couple floors up.

The elevator signals that it's reached the desired destination and the doors open. The big cloud of cigarette smoke leaves the elevator and starts spreading down the corridors leading away from it.

"Well, this is me, kid." the man says and walks out of the elevator, hands in pockets. The cigarette in his mouth is small, almost a butt. Realizing that Kyoko isn't quite herself, he puts his foot in the door of the elevator.

"Ah! Powell-san!" a man in a black suit shouts while running from the other side of one of the corridors. Kyoko flinches, realizing she's very close to being discovered as an intruder and being escorted out of the building by security.

"I'm so glad I found you! I was sent to collect you but by the time I got there, you were gone." the man explains, trying to catch his breath. "We were worried you weren't going to make it."

He notices Kyoko, still standing inside the elevator, her hands filled with folders and papers.

"Excuses, excuses." Mr. Powell says, not even bothering to shoot the assistant a glare. "Well, what are you waiting for, take the papers!" he shouts and the man complies immediately, rushing to relieve Kyoko of her duties. It's obvious that the man is confused by Kyoko's presence, but he lets it be, probably out of fear.

He runs back across the corridor, trying to stop the messily arranged papers from falling from his grasp. Kyoko looks at the foreigner and he just smirks.

"Yeah, I could tell from the start you don't work here, but I figured what the hell. You don't look like a crazy, murdering groupie, and even if you are, the world could do with one less spoiled, rich pretty boy." he says and lifts his sunglasses. "Anything is better than having to deal with those fussy assistants."

Kyoko still hasn't recovered from the shock; she's just looking at the strange man with a baffled expression, unsure of what to say.

"Which floor?" he asks her with a smug smile.

"32nd." Kyoko answers, confused.

"Well, off you go then, kid. Good luck." and with that, he removes his foot from the elevator, allowing the doors to close.

The remaining two floors seemed like an eternity to Kyoko. Her mind kept going over the same memories over and over again. What is it that prevented her from seeing Sho's true nature? What made her so blind to it? Why is it still hard to accept the truth? Why is it so hard to forgive him? She forgave everyone else who's hurt her or tried to hurt her, so why not him? Why?

The doors of the elevator open and Kyoko steps out, still very much immersed in her thoughts.

"-everything and don't need anyone's help? Do you really believe that I don't have any complaints?"

Kyoko recognizes Shoko's voice. Even though the tone of her voice surprises her, she slowly begins to walk in the direction it's coming from. Whoever it is she's shouting at, Kyoko pities them.

"Even though I have to listen to your constant whining, tolerate your mood swings and repair the damage you continuously inflict upon your career. You're talented, we can all see that, but that doesn't give you the right to just do whatever you want. When will you learn, Sho? When will you grow up?!"

Shoko's words strike Kyoko like lightning. Her heart beat increases and her throat starts tightening, making it harder to breathe. Shoko's shouting at Sho. Of course she is, who else could it be?

Sho is like a god being banished from heavens. A god. That's how Kyoko thought of him back then, when she was her old self, ready to sacrifice everything for him. But what about now?

"It's difficult, for all of us, to be true to ourselves. I'm not going to force you to do anything, but in the end the person who will be hurt the most by your behaviour is you, Sho. Do you realize that?"

Kyoko can hear Shoko sigh, even though the sound of her heart beating is as loud as thunder. The ground beneath her seems to be shaking and it's scaring her. Her whole body feels like a ticking time bomb, ready to implode at any given moment.

She is beginning to realize that now is no different. She stills sees Sho as a god, except now he's an evil god, an enemy. Kyoko doesn't believe herself worthy of catching up to a god, even if that god is someone who deserves to be banished.

"I'll go talk to the producer. Come back when you're ready. Please, try to get through this recording without any more scenes. After that… After that, I'll figure something out."

And just like that, Kyoko realizes the answer to all her questions.

It's love.

* * *

"Isn't that the popular drama you're always watching and crying about?"

"It's nothing. Put that back." the President says, feeling even more troubled by the whole situation than before.

"No. Not until you tell me what it is. I don't like it when you're keeping secrets from me, old man." Maria says confidently. Something written on one of the papers catches her eye, making her even less likely to give it up. "Why is Kyoko-neesan's name on this? Is she going to be in this drama?"

"It has nothing to do with you, Maria. Just put it back." the President says seriously.

"Oh, is that so? Well, that's too bad. I guess I have to ask Ren-sama then." she says and turns to walk away.

"NO!" the President shouts after her. Maria smirks, completely satisfied.

She walks over to the couch and sits comfortably. "I'm listening." she says, her eyes as big as a doll's.

The President sighs, remembering the days when he couldn't be manipulated by an eight year old.


	9. Chapter Eight

Just one thing you need to know before you start reading: I have the best readers in the world!

Thank you for the lovely reviews and your constant support. I love you all :)

* * *

What is the difference between Tsuruga Ren and Fuwa Sho? They are both young, good looking, talented and successful in their respective fields, so what is it that makes them so different?

Kyoko knows the answer. It's love.

Sho's never known how to give love. He only knows how to take it, how to swallow it and then ask for more.

Ren, on the other hand, has never failed to reciprocate the love Kyoko gave him. Even if it is just as a senpai or a friend, he's always been there. Sometimes the love he gave was in the form of a harsh truth or a scolding, but Kyoko has felt it even then.

The truth behind Kyoko's hatred of love is also painfully simple. She gave love to a person who didn't know what love is, or how to give it back. She was so blinded by her own love that she couldn't see she lost herself in that love. Everything she did, she did for that love.

Kyoko realized something else while listening to Shoko: She is neither the victim nor the culprit.

It's not her fault she loved Sho so much, she didn't know any better. She probably should have, but she didn't. She's not a victim either because she could have put a stop to the destructive relationship a long time ago. She could have, but she didn't. She's moved on, though, in so many ways, and Sho is still there, stuck in the same place he's always been.

In Kyoko's eyes Sho was a god whom she worshipped and cursed, but now he looks like a lonely abandoned boy, standing all alone in the empty hallway. He's not dangerous; if he were, Kyoko would've been in a far worse state than she was. Aside from her broken heart, which she helped break, nothing else was damaged. He couldn't have inflicted any real damage because he's a lost boy, just as lost as she was.

He has so many fans who would give up everything for him, just like Kyoko did, but would it last? Probably not.

A question is making Kyoko's heart heavy; why didn't she realize this sooner?

She slides to the floor and hugs her knees tightly as tears pour down her face. The memories come rushing back, but this time it's the good memories. Of course there were times when they were happy – when Kyoko didn't need to work two jobs to support them and before Sho's ego completely took over his life.

Sometimes they would sit on the living room floor and watch comedy shows while eating delicious pudding.

Kyoko is crying for those times, sharing the silence with the boy she once loved.

* * *

"Hello, Sawara speaking… Mogami-san?... No, she's currently taking a break… Oh, I see. I'll contact the President then and get back to you."

Sawara dials the President's direct line number and the President soon answers.

"Hello?" he says and sniffles.

"President Takarada?"

"Oh Sawara, this is just so-so-" he sniffles, holding back his tears "So sad. Rika-Rika-chan she-She's goooooooooooone!" the President says and bursts into tears.

Sawara shouldn't really be surprised as this is not the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last, but he is surprised nonetheless. "Should I call later, sir?" he says after getting over the initial shock.

After a few moments of crying inconsolably, President Takarada composes himself enough to give Sawara a reply. "No, it's-it's fine." he says and sniffles again.

"Right. Well, I just got a call from the producer of "Kimagure Rock" and he would like Mogami-san to appear on tonight's show. Apparently her replacement has been in some sort of an accident and they cannot find anyone on such short notice. As Mogami-san is currently taking a break from work, I thought I should contact you first."

The President sniffles, his mind barely registering Sawara's words. "She-She can go." he says and sniffles again.

"Alright, I'll contact Mogami-san then. I'm sorry for the… the disturbance, sir."

"It's-it's fine." the President says, his voice already cracking under pressure so Sawara, in fear of another outburst, quickly hangs up the phone.

He sighs and shakes his head before looking up Kyoko's number. As he waits for Kyoko to answer his call, Sawara glances at the clock.

It's almost six o'clock and he would be grateful if she were to answer right away. The show starts at nine, so there is plenty of time, but if she can't make it, he has to let them know immediately so they can get back to trying to find a suitable replacement.

Distracted as he is, Sawara doesn't realize that the call got connected until Kyoko's second confused "hello".

"Hello? Mogami-san?"

* * *

"Rika-chan, why did you have to break my heart like that? It's so-so-so" he sniffles, just barely holding back the river of tears "So crueeeeeeeeeeeeeel!" he cries out and starts sobbing while hugging the game box.

"Wait a second." he says, suddenly completely serious. "Mogami-san!"

* * *

"Sawara-san?"

Ever since Ren's surprise call, whenever Kyoko sees Sawara's name on her cell phone a nervous shiver spreads through her body, even if she just glances over it while scrolling through the contact list. It's not a very positive sensation, but it's not particularly negative either.

Just now she found herself expecting to hear Ren's voice from the other side and was slightly disappointed when that didn't happen. Slightly more so than she was relieved.

"Good afternoon, Mogami-san. Do you have a moment?" Sawara says.

Kyoko was walking around, trying to clear her head. She's been crying an awful lot lately and that was taking a toll on her. The sudden call forced her to stop in the middle of the street.

"Yes, Sawara-san." she answers, curious about the reason behind Sawara's call.

Surprisingly enough, hearing from Sawara-san doesn't worry her as much as it used to. Probably because she's forgotten all about the dreadful audition, which, somehow, no longer seems as dreadful. In fact, her whole heart seems so much lighter and the sky seems to be much bluer than it used to be.

"Well, I wouldn't be bothering you otherwise, it's just that I got a call from the producer of "Kimagure Rock" and he asked if you could appear as Bo on tonight's show. I already talked to the President and he said it's alright."

People are passing by, completely unaware of everything that's happening in Kyoko's life. How could they know? It's a miracle she can keep up with her own thoughts and feelings.

"What should I tell them, Mogami-san?" Sawara asks, half-expecting the answer. Actually more than just _half_-expecting it, he knows Kyoko after all.

"Really? Oh, well, if the President says it's fine… I'd be happy to help, Sawara-san." she replies, excited to be working again, even if it is just as Bo.

"Alright, I'll let them know." he says, unsurprised by her decision, and pauses for a moment, hesitating. "So, how are your studies going, Mogami-san?"

It's more than obvious that he's concerned. The President hasn't told him anything directly, but just like Moko, he knows that he didn't get the whole story. He doesn't know what it is exactly that's keeping Kyoko away from work, but he's glad she sounds well and is still eager to work, even if it is just a Bo gig.

"It's going good. Thank you for asking, Sawara-san." Kyoko says gently, remembering Moko's concern and feeling very grateful for their care.

"Good. Great. Well then, I better let them know. Good luck tonight, Mogami-san. Good work." Sawara clumsily finishes the call.

Kyoko smiles, suddenly remembering her badminton match with Sho. It seems like a lifetime away, that day, that Kyoko.

She looks at the sky, feeling content and more hopeful than she's felt in a long time.

* * *

"Sawara, my friend!" the President yells as soon as he opens the door of Sawara's office. Six women dressed like belly dancers enter after him, all throwing red and pink rose petals in the air, rendering the employees speechless. Two jugglers and a man breathing fire also appear in the office and begin performing cheerfully.

Sawara is shocked and quite speechless. There is really no way of getting used to the President's shows. "President?" he mumbles.

The President is ecstatic and he has no problems relaying it to the people around him. "Sawara, my good man, tell me, is that Mogami-san on the line?"

"Yes, it wa-"

"Excellent!" the President exclaims, not bothering to hear Sawara out. He grabs the phone from his hand and puts it to his ear. "Hello, Mogami-san! I-" he manages to say before realizing that there is no one on the other side.

"It _was_, but I already hung up." Sawara explains.

The Presidents face sinks, showing his disappointment. He sits on an empty chair by Sawara's desk, looking completely beaten. The belly dancers stop throwing petals, the two jugglers and the man who breathes fire also stop performing.

"You could just call her yourself." Sawara tries to console him, but it doesn't work.

"I've already tried. Many, many times. Nothing works. My calls just won't get through." the President says, falling deeper and deeper into despair.

"Excuse me for just a moment, President, I have to let the producer know that Mogami-san has agreed to do the show tonight." Sawara says and dials the number.

The President suddenly perks up and stands up with much more force than necessary. Sawara falls backwards into his chair from shock. "That's it!" he shouts, clearly very excited about whatever idea he's got. "Thank you, Sawara my friend! I bid you farewell!" the President greets him in his unusually eccentric way and walks out of the office, followed by the cheerful belly dancers who start throwing the rose petals again, the two jugglers and the fire breather.

Sawara remains in his chair, the phone receiver hanging off his desk.

"Hello? Anyone there? Hello?"

* * *

"Kyoko-chan!" Hikaru shouts as soon as he spots her in her chicken costume.

"Good evening." Kyoko replies with a smile and respectfully bows.

You'll never guess who's coming on the show tonight!"


End file.
